Book Review ARTICLES

The Emergent Church - Dan Kimball

Thoughts on CTCR's "Immigrants Among Us"

The Sabbath: Its Meaning for Modern Man - Abraham Joshua Heschel

Hard Questions, Real Answers - William Lane Craig

Simply Christian by N.T. Wright

Amusing Ourselves to Death: Public Discourse in the Age of Show Business

Dr. Kenneth C. Haugk's: "Don't Sing Songs to a Heavy Heart:; How to Relate to Those Who Are Suffering"

Normand Bonneau's "The Sunday Lectionary: Ritual Word, Paschal Shape"

Robert Wuthnow's "After the Baby Boomers"

Mike Aquilina's Signs and Mysteries: Revealing Ancient Christian Symbols

Mudhouse Sabbath: An Invitation to a Life of Spiritual Disciplines

Book Review: Doug Powell's Holman QuickSource Guide to Christian Apologetics

College Ministry from Scratch

Power, Politics, and the Missouri Synod ...a book review

Heaven is For Real: A Little Boy’s Astounding Story of His Trip to Heaven and Back by Todd Burpo and Lynn Vincent

The Four Loves by C.S. Lewis

C.S. Lewis’ Space Trilogy: a review

The Culture-Wise Family and Pop Culture Wars, reviewed

Lutheranism 101

A review of "Together With All Creation: Caring for God’s Living Earth, A Report of the Commission on Theology and Church Relations"

A Review of Jeffrey Jensen Arnett's book : Emerging Adulthood: The Winding Road from the Late Teens through the Twenties

A review of Mike Hayes' book: Googling God: The Religious Landscape of People in their 20’s and 30’s

A review of David Dark's book The Gospel According to America: A Meditation On a God-Blessed, Christ-Haunted Idea

A Review of Dean Hardy's Book :Stand Your Ground: An Introductory Text for Apologetics

A Review of Gilbert Meilander's Book: Bioethcis: A Primer for Christians

A review of Gene Edward Veith’s The Spirituality of the Cross

The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict

unChristian

Tribal Church

Additional "Book Review" Articles

 

Dr. Kenneth C. Haugk's: "Don't Sing Songs to a Heavy Heart:; How to Relate to Those Who Are Suffering"
Published: 4/18/2012 3:22:49 PM

 

Suffering is part of life. We are broken people living in a world shattered by sin, and the shards grind together and nobody escapes without the scars to prove it.

Dealing with suffering is a difficult enough thing when we're the ones who are suffering. It can be just as painful or even more so to have a friend or loved one who is suffering. Our desire is instinctively to remove the hurt, to counteract the sorrow. Instinctively we know that suffering is not what God intended us for, and sometimes our desire to lead the suffering person into a better place can drive us to do things that are not only not comforting, they actually amplify the injury and suffering of the other person.

Don't Sing Songs to a Heavy Heart is a very practical and helpful guide. Based on personal experience and survey data, Dr. Haugk lays out fundamental principles for how to best be with someone who is suffering. His underlying assertion is that we must enter into the suffering of the other person, and that premature, superficial, or theologically dangerous attempts to yank the person out of their suffering are harmful.

The book's tips are very concrete. Say this. Don't say this. If you are dealing with someone who is suffering, this book can help you be a genuine friend, a gift to the sufferer despite the fact that you don't feel adequate and in acceptance of the reality that suffering and grief is a process that everyone has to work through. Attempting to force someone out of grief – even for a brief period of time – can be very counterproductive.

The emphasis of this book is on how to be with someone who is suffering. It is not a manual for assisting someone else in dealing with their grief and suffering constructively. While it is ideal for someone involved with (or starting) a ministry of comfort to the suffering or grieving, it is insight and advice that is beneficial to anyone and everyone. It discusses why some of our instinctive ways of trying to be with a suffering person are wrong, and offers more reflective and intentional alternatives.

It's a short (150 pages) and easy read. It makes no assumptions about professional training, practical experience, or anything else. It will be either an eye-opening aid to the bewildered person first dealing with someone who is suffering profoundly, or a good refresher for someone who has spent years working with suffering people.

It may be tempting for some to write off this type of book as appropriate only to older people dealing with medical or family issues that cause suffering. However I think most young adults will readily admit that they understand suffering all too well. The damaging elements of dating relationships, expectations at home, school, and work, the pain of being laid off from a job or being unable to find work, the loneliness of relocating for school or work – all of these are common situations for young adults. Every congregation has the potential to provide a place where these forms of suffering are understood, and where Christians of all ages can be encouraged to be honest with their feelings rather than simply pasting on a Happy Face every Sunday morning and pretending that life is peachy. Allow someone to be hurt, sad, frustrated, fearful, and you have the potential of bringing the very real peace of Christ through the Gospel to them. It's hard to be a better friend than that.


Paul Nelson

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